The Unbearable Lightness of Geeking

Last day for Speak Out With Your Geek Out. Regular crankiness to return next week!

A while ago, I did *something* to my left hipbone that apparently jammed it up into the socket. Don’t ask me WHAT I did, but it was starting to ache right after I got over the Zombie Death Crud.

So off I went to see Dr. Monk (so named because he could be a body double for Tony Shaloub…and it amuses me to think of Detective Monk as my chiropractor). And he fiddled, and fussed, and yanked, and POP! Hipbone went back where it was supposed to be.

Then he asked about the knees. I told him my saga. That I had to give up the fencing due to repetitive bursitis in the knees. He gave me that gentle zenny smile  perfected by surfers, and said “Well, we can fix that and have you back to fencing in no time!”

And I thanked him. All the while wanting to burst into tears.

Not out of gratitude (tho’ I am grateful for having the hip issue mostly resolved). But out of the realization that one thing chronic pain makes you do is dream smaller. Particularly for the geek things you love.

I still have all my blades, tucked neatly away in their case. I cannot bear to part with them, even though it has been a good two years since I’ve used them. Those of you who work with blades Get This. I know you do. We Get It in a way that is in our bones and our blood and our muscle memory, never to be erased.

I wanted to tell Dr. Monk not to promise me those shiny pretty geeky things. All the while wanting to have them. It hurts almost as badly to dream smaller as it does to dream larger.

But I will dream on. Better to dream smaller than not dream at all.

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